Saku's Guide to Otaku!
by TheHemophageress
Summary: A young woman of aristocracy in Hokkaido is beyond horrified at her 'unexposed' little brother, Nagayizumi Ichirou. Join Ichirou is his suffering of his sister's crazy lecture of fangirlness. The author is not responsible for deaths by combusting into rainbows and sparkles or headdesking and hair tearing. Rated T for potential perversion.


**Yes, this is not a new chapter of ARBAONWSAS. Wow, that's a long title. Anyways, this is for educational and rainbow explosion purposes. It won't effect any other story.**

**About A Rose By Any Other Name, the next chapter is still in progress. My minion is not cooperating with me, thus it will be some time.**

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**_*Note that the dialogue not specified to be in any language is Japanese translated into English for your convenience. The author isn't an expert in Japanese, thus it's convenient for her too._**

"WHAT? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT AN _OTAKU_ IS?! HOW DARE YOU, YOU DISGRACE OF A-"

Ichirou Nagayizumi plugged his ears to save them from the ear shattering, high pitched shrieking of the peroxide blonde lead singer of the famous rock band in Japan, _Shinigami_. The blonde just happened to be the older sister of the poor middle schooler.

The young boy of 14 years, in third year of middle school, shouted, "I know it's a derogatory term, Sakura-neechan!"

The 20 year old stopped screaming at her victim for once, letting out a breath. "Alright, Ichi-chan-" Ichirou grimaced at the nickname he hated- "I won't punish you with a duel in the dojo _this time_-" The boy shuddered at an unmentionable memory- "but I won't let you off." Ichirou let out a sigh of relief, having not seen the evil glint in his sister's wide brown eyes.

_Crash!_

Ichirou had no idea what happened in the scariest moments of his life. All he knew was the world spinning dizzyingly around him after something tackled him down, then darkness.

"You may think he's dead, or unconscious, but noooooo~" Ichirou vaguely heard Sakura's voice.

"Sakura-neechan?" Ichirou asked hesitantly, his voice weak. A blinding light filled his vision and the boy squinted through the light. _Huh…? Is this heaven? I was bound to get killed by her sometime, but not this early…_

"Okay, how much manga do you read?" Ichirou's vision cleared enough to make out his sister… In a police uniform? In his sister's hand was a notepad and a pen, ready to scribble down every word he said.

_Wait._ Ichirou thought, suspicious. _Is she interrogating me? Hold on…_ Ichirou then realized he was tied to an exquisitely embroidered armchair of multitudes of colors of scenery. With rope. And chains. _What the hell?!_

"Yes, I'm interrogating you." Sakura spoke in response to Ichirou's earlier mental question despite the sheer impossibility of it. Of course, Ichirou had not questioned it in so many years due to the nearly daily act. "Now, how much manga do you read?"

"Uh, none…?" Ichirou had broken out in cold sweat by now. He _knew_ nothing good will come from this.

The blonde glowered at the suffering brunette. "Tsk. I wonder how you are my little brother. So unexposed and closed within his own world." Ichirou wasn't sure to be offended or not. "With your lack of knowledge, I will take it upon myself, lead singer of the _Shinigami_ and temporary representative of the Nagayizumi family, to educate you."

_Yeah, this is definitely going to be bad…_ Ichirou thought in panic.

"No, it won't! It's a fun subject!" Sakura replied with a demon's grin of death. Her brother chanted to himself the happiest Japanese folk rhyme to distract himself from the impending doom, similar to his usual way of surviving horror movies without having nightmares every time he attempted to sleep.

"You see, _otaku_ is a term used in Japan, in a similar manner to how America uses the term nerd-"

"Sakura-neechan, you don't need to educate me on my own country." Ichirou grumbled with little enthusiasm.

"Good, you're not a _baka_." Sakura nodded, an overexaggerated impressed expression decorating her tanned face. "_Baka_ means idiot, by the way-"

"I KNOW!" Ichiro snapped irritably. "You taught me every single insult possible including your own creations when I was ten!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot. You didn't tell _anyone_, now, did you…?" Ichirou bobbed his head hurriedly, in fear. "Good, good. Anyways, _otaku_ are not restricted to manga and anime. _Otaku_ can be fanatic over anything (Japanese, that is) and be labeled an _otaku_. Sports don't count, however.

"Due to that, there are several categories of _otaku_. First, the anime category. With the amount of fans of different types, this category is separated into two sub categories. There is the Type A and Type B. Type A anime _otaku_ prefer to watch anime for the simple purpose: IT'S ANIME. They watch anime for the complexity of plot, the artwork, the voice acting, etcetera. They hate the shallow anime out there with little storyline. The Nagayizumi siblinghood of this generation, including our cousin Akura and her best friend Haruhi, are Type A, and you better be Type A too, Ichi-chan.

"Onto the Type B anime _otaku_, they prefer to watch anime for the characters. They will watch an anime if it includes characters that are beautiful or cute and they are voiced by certain actors. They hate complex plots, and they are the 'noobs' to _otaku_ land. They will only watch _moe_ (a Japanese term used in connection with manga or anime to describe something precious, usually [but not always] the ideal of youthful and innocent femininity). I admit I do enjoy _moe_, but I hate shallow anime. Anyways, these _otaku_ are the most popular customers for the business, so unfortunately shallow anime have increased recently.

"Of course, there are the manga _otaku_~" From this point on, Sakura went off on a hyper rambling mess of 'fangirlness,' a term created by the author.

Ichirou did not want to stay tied to the armchair any longer. He half-begged, "Please, Sakura-neechan, continue?"

Sakura stopped before turning to the brunette with bright sparkling eyes,_ chibi_ (Overly adorable, tiny, cute, squishable adorableness is the definition) is what the author would use, and squealed, "Eeeeeh? Ne, my little brother wants to learn more? There's a chance for you after all, Ichi-chaaaaaan~"

Ichirou was starting to regret this.

"Then, there are the cosplay _otaku_. I fit into this category by far. I love cosplay! You go to conventions dressed up as a character from any anime, TV show, or movie! It's really fun; you can sew your own cosplay, act like your character, and meet new people!" Sakura was no doubt about to go off on another ramble, but she caught herself. "Game_ otaku_ are popular too. They love videogames and collect video games. Kaara and Ayame fit into this category; they own the entire collection of Legend of Zelda, Touhou Project, whats-that-thing, and a bunch more." Ichirou was reminded of the time he accidentally entered the mutated monstrosity of a walk-in closet of his oldest twin sisters dedicated to video games. Never again. "Idol _otaku_ dedicate their fanaticism to music artists and actors. Now to think of it, there are a bunch of these _otaku_ who go to my concerts. Figurine _otaku_, train _otaku_, and robot _otaku_… There are Pasocon _otaku_ too! They are the _geeks_ if I use American terms. They are geniuses, and deal with all the computer tech stuff. There's a bunch more types of _otaku_ out there, but I'll spare you."

Ichirou was half dead by now from Sakura's lecture. "Um… Are you finished?"

"Oh no!" Sakura smirked devillishly. It was a wonder that she wasn't a demon. "I'm barely a fourth through!"

Ichirou was going to be dead soon, and he was sure of it.


End file.
